***THE DATING GAME: UNHINGED & UNHOLY***
One host. Three disasters. And a whole studio full of red flags waving like it’s Pride in Mordor
👠 HOST: Madame Sassafras Explosión
(drag queen, chaos incarnate, banned from two cruise ships and one Olive Garden for “emotional terrorism.”)
🎤 [SQUIRREL INT STUDIO, Spotlights flicker like a club rat’s dignity at 4AM. Everything is glittered, including the fire extinguisher.]
Madame Sassafras (sashaying in wearing a sequin thong and a crown made of bad decisions):
“WELCOME to Red Flag Roulette!
The only dating show where the prize is either true love or a six-month situationship followed by vague tweets and court-mandated therapy!”
🎙️ “Tonight’s question, my little sin kebabs, is simple:”
“If we were on a first date and I leaned in real close, like lip-gloss-on-your-collar close, and whispered:
“Tell me your biggest turn-on… but make it something you’d never admit to your therapist…”
What would you say?”
🎧 Moody saxophone wails in the background like a saxophonist going through a breakup in a Walgreens parking lot.
💪 Bachelor #1
(Looks like a Marvel stunt double. Smells like Axe body spray and poor impulse control.)
“Okay, look…”
“When someone parallel parks?
Like… one motion. No backup. No hesitation.
Just in. Like a fucking GODDESS.”
(makes engine revving noise)
“I don’t care what your face looks like, if you nail a reverse park on the first try, I’m ready to pay your rent and give you my Netflix password.”
(pounds chest like he’s about to cry for Fast & Furious 12: Daddy Issues Drift)
“It’s spiritual.”
☕ Bachelor #2
(Soft boi. Has cried during a sunrise. Probably has a podcast called “Vulnerability Vibes.”)
“I’m turned on by… emotional instability.”
(camera zooms in. You feel unsafe.)
“When someone trauma dumps but does it poetically, like… I have abandonment issues and a Scorpionic aura, YES, MOTHER.”
(licks vape. Whispers “shadow work” to the wind.)
“I once got hard mid-hug. I can’t explain it.”
🧠 Bachelor #3
(Looks like he sells crypto but secretly crochets.)
“Two words: Conditional. Formatting.”
“When someone opens Excel and starts color-coding their emotions?”
“Jesus take the spreadsheet.”
“I’m talkin’ formulas, baby. Macros. Live charts.
That moment when she merges cells across columns, I climax emotionally AND spiritually.”
(unapologetic eye contact)
“That’s why I’m not allowed back at that financial planning seminar.”
🎤 Madame Sassafras (laughs like a feral peacock in heat):
“Oh sweet Satan in stilettos.
I asked for red flags, and y’all gave me a fucking runway show.”
👑 Steps forward dramatically. Glitter explodes. Somewhere, a single baby cries out in confused arousal.
“Bachelor #1 wants to fuck your parking skills.
Bachelor #2 gets off to emotionally unstable horoscopes.
Bachelor #3 will spreadsheet your G-spot.”
💋 Madame Sassafras (smirking into camera):
“And remember folks… true love is out there.
It’s just wearing a ball gag, holding a vape, and building a pivot table.”
🎉 Next week’s episode:
“You Up?” The Game Show Where Everyone Loses, But It’s Kinky Anyway.
***”The Dating Game” Master Writ Raffle***
Please mail in **Purple & Gold Master Writs only**
The tickets on Master Writs are 1 for 1. Example if the Master Writ is worth 50 vouchers, then you’d receive 50 tickets.
**1st Prize** $350k plus 1 Gold motif book
**2nd Prize** $250k plus 1 Gold Praxis
**3rd Prize** $200k plus 1 epic Praxis
**4th Prize** $150k plus 1 epic Praxis
**5th Prize** $100k + Epic Praxis
**6th Prize** $50k + Epic Praxis
Mail your Master Writs to **DENIVATH ONLY !!** and she will send you a spread when they go out.
Event Closes June 30th, Midnight *(Prizes will be upped based on Participation*) ***🚨Disclaimer:*** This event contains +18 content.
***This Raffle is for IP & OP only***
